A thousand mornings have fallen to silent deaths, A thousand cries
have painted themselves on the wall To immortalize their terror Since your green lips first kissed me a blue torso hard of air and stripped
Down to a hospital gown.

My soul was a burn victim that
you carried away like a drunk lover,
promising relief from the worlds’ glare.

And through IV needles
You kissed down my spine,
Down through chemical floodgates
that tell me what to feel.
Kissed my forehead, my spirits’ noise,

You kissed everything I loved in myself until it died.

Dear Adderall,
your chloroform numbs my body
but my spirit stays in flight.

I’ve walked with Death in my sleep
When you scald my forehead with cancer dreams.
I’ve seen wraiths of memory dip themselves in gasoline and leave me
with the match.
I’ve been baptized in shadow
Until the throne of God looks empty.

But my suicidal synapses only want to be free.

Dear Klonopin,
demon swallower,
does your throat ever get caught?

You were born in vomit.
and out of the embalming fluid,
out of the angel afterbirth
you crawled
from the gestation of life
towards me.

and were you always there?
at three years old
when I fell from the table to a broken arm, when I climbed the roof to
ask God if he exists?

do you even know my name?

And so my dear Prozac,
I do not wait for you anymore
to write me a prescription for hope,
or untangle the web you’ve spun in my chest, or to buy back the feelings you’ve sold off.

I still return to you night after night
like a battered woman back into
the arms of her bastard husband,
and I commit you to my body
as the body of Christ
to nullify my hearts’ obscenity,

but this time, like Christ
I will ride down your throat
broke in half and drunk on wine
past the chunks of dead soul
and memories burned alive
until finally, when our two eyes meet
you’ll have to swallow-
me.