The wind blew gently as Cesar Chavez Elementary was now barren
of the sounds of children playing and chain link swings clinking in
the playground. Robert and Jimmy decided to sit at the bleachers that
sat in front of the track. They climbed up the small rack of benches
and perched themselves on the highest level. Their dark skin soaked
up the warm sunlight and the breeze weaved its way through their
bulky limbs, tickling their light coat of arm hair.
“I love this time of day for some reason,” Jimmy said.
“I know what you mean. It seems like we’re looking down on creation,
like that one song,” Robert said.
Jimmy laughed. He had no idea what Robert was talking about,
but played along.
“It’s not the highest point in the valley, but it’ll do,” Jimmy said.
They looked out over the track to see soccer players putting up goal
nets and fitness freaks walk along the edge holding water bottles and
wearing odd colored sneakers.
“I thought you liked English?” Robert asked.
“I do.” Jimmy answered.
“Then why were you falling asleep at your desk today?”
“I’ve had a hard time sleeping lately,” Jimmy said, wiping his face
and squinting towards the track.
“Is Milly getting the best of you?”
“Milly? This time I can’t pretend to know what you’re talking about,”
Jimmy said with a smile. “So who is Milly? That lady with the salon on
Main Street?”
“No.”
“The Asian lady that always thinks we’re stealing at the liquor store?”
“Oh my God! You never heard of Mattress Milly?” Robert
exclaimed.
“You mean she’s a hooker?” Jimmy asked.
“No. It’s what they call someone who kills their mom.”
“Oh. You mean matricidal, don’t you?”
“Anyway. You never heard the story of Milly?” Robert asked.
“No. Are you gonna give?”
“Sure, I can tell you all about Matrix Milly.”
Jimmy shook his head and waited for Robert to babble on about
some story that supposedly happened way back when, to someone his
grandfather used to pick oranges with.
“Well, I’m waiting.” Jimmy said.
“Hold on, I’m looking for something.” He was really trying to
remember the story before he began to tell it, so he scanned his eyes
over the foothills.
“Have you found it?”
“Yea, I’m good to go.” Robert said. “You know where Tito lives, not
far from where the Little Creak Apartments are now? Well, way back
when all that used to be country. Not like country like Tim McGraw
country, but country...”
“I know what kind of country you mean, chingado.”
The house was newly built with strong wood and nifty craftsmanship.
It was half an acre around to the nearest property line. Cactus
and wild grass and dirt paths led from the doorway to the road and to
the outhouse back to the doorway.
Maria Consuelo Diaz and her husband of five years Joaquin, celebrated
the day when Joaquin finally finished the house he promised his
bride. They killed a large cow and invited the nearest neighbors and
family to come and help cook it. The rifle echoed through the countryside
as the cow thudded to the ground.
They laid it out on a large slice of leftover plywood and skinned it
and gutted the smelly animal. The younger of the men washed and
cleaned the hide to lay out in the sun for a few belts or a pair of boots
that would be sold at the flea market for a nice price. Matilda Diaz,
the young daughter of Joaquin and Maria Consuelo, looked on as her
father cut chunks and chunks of meat and piled them on a separate
slice of wood.
There was blood on the men’s faces, down their work shirts and
splattered all over their legs as they stood ankle deep in thick red liquid.
A few of the men started to dig not far from where the now
unrecognizable cow was being torn apart into an pile of crimson rocks
stacked one on top of the other.
Matilda was scooted aside as men started to come through each
with a shovel in their hand. They spoke Spanish quickly and gestured
with their rough work hands signaling for help and working together
towards the feast. Matilda watched the men dig as she heard the
women and young daughters of the neighbors talking in the kitchen.
Their voices were sharp and echoed through the window. Dishes
chimed together along with the pots and pans, making a tune of slight
chaos. The women spoke of past slaughters and how hard it was to
wash the men’s blood-soaked clothes after such an event. One had to
be patient when washing bloodstains out of the laundry.
Joaquin stood leaning on a two by four for support. There wasn’t
a clean part of his shirt left for him to wipe the blood away from his
face. He looked over and the men dug deep, creating a pile of dirt just
outside the hole. The men remembered the joke about the man who
dug himself to the other side of the world.
The women came out of the house carrying brown burlap potato
sacks. Maria Consuelo brought Joaquin a rag and started to wipe his
face. When his face was clear from blood and his sinuses had been hollowed
out with a strong breath, he leaned forward and Maria Consuelo
and Joaquin shared a kiss. Soft and slow he tasted her, and the blood
that he had tasted all day made her lips taste like sugar-cane or a fresh
tangerine, in comparison.
A fire was started in the pit dug a rectangular shape, about six feet
deep. The women began washing the chunks of meat and tossed them
into the burlap sacks. Left over entrails were tossed to the dogs that
roamed the countryside and had befriended the families that lived
nearby. The late afternoon sun shone down on the families as they
continued to prepare the feast of the new house.
The men brought pruned trunks of grapevines and lemon trees to
feed the fire. It was custom to wait until the fire had died down, after
building it up so fiercely, before placing the meat to cook inside. The
land around it would get hard as rock, making it reusable for the
future. The bags of meat were slow cooked inside the pit all night until
morning. A rotation of families went to wash up at their own house
while others stayed and kept watchful eyes on the pit.
Dusk finally settled on the countryside and its inhabitants and now
the only illumination came from the pit of glowing embers. Because
the land had been soaked in water to make it easier for digging, it took
hours for the land containing the bonfire to harden to rock. At this
stage of the fire, the edges were unsure and weak.
Joaquin and Maria Consuelo sat together around the pit with their
friends and family speaking of the old days when California was Mexico
and how difficult it would be in the future to come and go across
the international line that sat on the Rio Grande. Children from several
different families came and enjoyed the festive atmosphere. They
chased dragonflies and lizards and scared each other in the dark while
playing hide and go seek.
Little Luis Castillo had been of school age but didn’t know it. The
best days of his childhood could be traced to the fields where his dad
had worked as a field hand pruning and picking the fruit trees of many
of the major farmers in the California Valley.
He had tracked a lizard from every corner of Joaquin’s property,
around the house and behind the outhouse where adults drank and
smoked and joked loudly about many things.
The lizard scurried quickly to a small pile of dirt just outside the
fiery grave. Little Luis moved slowly and gently behind the lizard
where he could not be seen, even by the rotational viewpoint of the
reptile. The lizard stood still as it relaxed on the warm mound of earth.
Little Luis moved slower and more gently, very low to the ground and
just like lion cubs practicing the dreaded pounce of safaris in the African
jungle, he leaped with a wail of Cuauhtémoc, himself. Little Luis
slid down head first into the blazing yellow pit, in the wailings of murder
and death, while his prey escaped with his life hurriedly running
on four legs into a darkened wood pile.
Weeks went by as the weight of Little Luis’ death weighed heavily
on Joaquin and Maria Consuelo. Their marriage teetered on a fulcrum
with Luis’ death on one side and their family on the other. Maria Consuelo
refused to cook and refused to eat, not being able to live with the
public shame of the boy’s death on their land. She blamed Joaquin for
it all. It was his decision to build this house apart from the main town
nearby, his idea to invite the neighbors for a feast, and his problem that
Little Luis fell in the bar-b-que pit.
Hearing Maria Consuelo’s wailings of regret of having Joaquin
as a husband became too much for Matilda to endure. She joined
Maria Consuelo’s mania by sitting in the corner of the living room
and brushing the hair of her little doll while staring into space. This
worried her father, Joaquin, and so he decided the rantings of a mad
housewife would fall on deaf ears until he relieved his ailing daughter.
Joaquin bent down and caressed the cheek of his daughter one
morning as the sun beamed it harshness through the window she was
staring through. Her blank stare forced these gentle words from her
father’s lips.
“Mi hija, ya se va a leviar De Dios yo dice,” he said.
He left the house and mounted a borrowed horse to undo the pain of
the recent past. He rode in great anticipation, but he swore in his heart
that he would return with a solution, even if it was on his deathbed.
He approached a cottage that was colored in mystery. Horseshoes
decorated the top of the entrance to the small country shelter. Joaquin
tied his horse to the worn down fence and walked slowly to the front.
A wind chime made of dried bones hovered over the porch and dried
palms twisted into the shape of crosses stood in the dry shrubs leading
up to the door.
He knocked on the door and removed his cowboy hat and clutched
it on his chest. The door creaked open to reveal a dirt floor and a
woman around the age of forty, dressed in a homemade shall.
“Puedo ayudar, señor Diaz?” She answered.
He stood there shakily and answered her, “It does not surprise me
that you knew I was coming, señora. Your good medicine has made
your reputation great in this area.” His voice was like a jack rabbit
moving quickly from one side of the field to the other with little notice
until it found its burrow that it has lived in for many years.
“Come in, Señor Diaz and leave your strife at my door,” she said gently.
She opened the door for him and he walked in honored that she
would have him as a guest. He kept his eyes to the floor not to pursue
his curiosities of his hostess, and walked into the next room where
she led him by the arm. The table they sat at was big enough for two
to comfortably have a meal. Her curtains were thin, which allowed the
sunlight to cast long shadows within the small cottage.
Joaquin sat across from her silently admiring a colorful candle that
was placed between them. She put her smooth hand on top of his and
broke the silence in the troubled father.
“That poor boy. I can’t begin to imagine how his father feels at this
moment,” he began.
“Luis is part of something greater now, Señor Diaz. He really is not
the reason you have come all this way,” she said.
“My wife has been severely beaten down by this event spiritually.
She won’t cook, or eat. She is not the same woman.”
“She is the same woman. She makes it harder on herself. It is not
the owner’s fault if lightning should strike a tree that lands on a workman’s
horse. Are you ready to tell me why you have come all this way?”
“Matilda.”
“She has hid in a cave in her own heart that your wife has dug.”
The woman looked upon him deeply with soothing eyes. This made
Joaquin even more nervous as he picked and hunted for his words,
careful not to upset the medicine woman.
“Can you make it better for her?” he asked.
“Do you mean for Matilda or your wife, Joaquin? What does your
heart say?”
Joaquin searched his heart as his eyes moved from side to side as
if he could visualize his feelings. He grasped the purpose that had
brought him out to see the woman with much good sense and much
better medicine. His heart gave him the courage to look upon the
healer, beyond her own eyes and say, “My daughter.”
The woman pulled a stone that stood on three tiny legs from her
shelf that sat just behind her. The top was caved in like a bowl, and a
mixture of herbs lay prepared inside of it. She got up and walked into
her kitchen and poured in a small mason jar some orange juice. She
placed the mason jar on the table and sprinkled much of the herbal
mixture that sat in the stone bowl into the orange juice. She sealed the
top with a rag and wrapped a string around the edge so the rag would
not become displaced.
“Give this to your daughter and the void in her spirit will be filled,”
she said to Joaquin. “Make sure she drinks it all. The burden that has
found a home in your daughter will try to discourage its expulsion.
Be weary of loose stones on the road or ravines that appear to move.
Buena Suerte, Senor Diaz.” She said as she handed the mason jar into
his shaky hands.
He squeezed the jar by the rag that draped over the opening. He
placed his cowboy hat back on his head as beads of sweat ran down his
temples into the dirty bandana that he had tied around his neck. She
closed the door behind him as a solid breeze leaned the trees around
the cottage in the opposite direction of his path. A high pitched whistle
sounded in his ears from the country winds as he untied his horse
from the tattered fence.
His horse huffed and snorted and backed away from Joaquin as he
tried to grip the reins to mount the beast. The trees leaned back into
their natural pose and kept their shade in front of them. Joaquin was
strong and an experienced horseman, and this enabled him to settle
the animal down long enough to mount it. He rode slowly and did not
press the animal as he did during his journey to the woman’s cottage.
He kept his eyes open for every detail but admired little of the wild
country that he traveled through.
He wiped his eyebrows with his bandana, careful not to let his salty
sweat seep in under his eyelids. Joaquin scanned the path before him
twice over before he would allow the horse to cross into his field of
vision. Suddenly the path back to his own land became a landmine of
natural looking snares like rabbit burrows and snakes that can sometimes
scare large beasts like horses. He felt the spirits of the trail he
traveled through, but could not discern their alliance to his purpose or
something more sinister.
The afternoon went by despite the restless state of Joaquin’s heart.
He thought of the woman’s words as the sun leaned in the sky low
enough for its harsh light to reach in under the brim of his hat. Burden.
Expulsion. Ravines. Move.
He finally saw the path that would take him where his daughter
wearily trembled at her mother’s insane ramblings. Joaquin led the
horse up to his front door and paused. He looked down at the mason
jar and realized the rag the medicine woman had placed on it was
barely moist from the tonic that shifted inside. He dismounted the
horse and let it wander about in front of the house.
He opened the door and had to stand still in the walkway to let his
eyes adjust to the darkness inside. Images became clearer as silhouettes
became faces. He saw Matilda now, right where she had been when he
left. Her hair was uncombed and her lips were dry from the dust and
valley heat. He broke the string on the orange juice with his two fingers
and put the mason jar to his daughter’s lips.
“Toma, hija,” he said as she gazed at him with dirty wide eyes.
Her mouth was reluctant until the sweet nectar soothed onto her
tongue. Joaquin pulled the jar from her mouth and held it in front of
her. Then very naturally her hands dropped from the doll she had been
holding onto and began choking the glass jar that she herself brought
to her lips.
The child drank until the jar was empty. Joaquin lifted Matilda up
into his arms and brought her into the front room where he prepared
her a place to rest. He made a nest of clean blankets and pillows for
her to lie on. He lastly placed her doll between her arms and the child
closed her eyes and fell asleep soundly.
Joaquin decided to spend the evening outside on his property
maybe to kill a rabbit or two for a fresh breakfast with his daughter
in the morning. The night came and went eventless as if time had
stopped. He had camped between the trees admiring all the beauties
of the night that many people do not get to see because they are asleep.
He saw stars burn and fall and watched the moon direct the night
winds from the east to the west.
The quicker the rabbit, the tougher the texture of the meat, but
Joaquin was aware that there would be many days left to enjoy perfect
meals in the future, now that his daughter would be well by the time
he returns to the house.
Maria Consuelo had shut herself in her room the entire night, praying
to the gods above for the release of her soul from the marriage she
agreed to in haste. She tried to bargain with the powers that stood
in heaven that if they just erased her commitment with Joaquin, she
would send Matilda as an angel. She promised to see her next marriage
through to the end with a man of their choosing. She clenched her
eyes tight and clasped her fingers together making her knuckles sore
by morning.
The sun was now well in the morning sky and Joaquin decided to
head to the house figuring to see his daughter well enough so he could
show her how to clean and gut the prey he had caught when the moon
reigned in the sky. He dropped the corpses by the door and called for
his precious Matilda from the back door.
“Donde esta mi angel, Matilda?” He called, excited to see his daughter’s
smile.
There was no answer, the house lay quiet and still, not even a stirring
of Maria Consuelo from the bedroom. Joaquin entered the house
curiously and slowly, walking into the front room where he had last
seen his sleeping daughter. There was Matilda in the same position as
her father had left her with her doll nestled between her arms.
Joaquin quickly approached her and shook her gently at first.
“Matilda, wake up,” he said.
He shook her more roughly a second time and grabbed her shoulders
and her thighs, but she did not open her eyes. His heart sank in
grief as he rubbed his rough hands over the small girl’s face, begging
her to rise. Joaquin’s eyes were wide as he called for his daughter’s living
breath.
“Que hice! Que hice!” He called out to the sky as he broke through
the back door of the house he had made by his own skill.
Joaquin fell to his knees and covered his dark featured face with his
hands. He brought his face to the earth and pulled at his hair on the
top of his head. His guts wrenched inside of him as if someone was
tugging at them through a hole in his back. His tears fell directly onto
the dirt because his face was buried on the top soil of his land. Joaquin
breathed in dirt through his mouth and felt it become mud on his
tongue and between his cheeks. He thought he should deserve to die
here in the heat of the morning with nothing to drink but his own dirt.
His gasping stopped and he became silent. He raised his forehead
and wiped his mouth on the long sleeves of his shirt. He stood just
behind his house but could not bare to look upon the beauty of the sky
where the sun was allowed to perch itself. He entered his house once
more for the last time.
He opened a bottom cabinet where a wooden box lay hidden
amongst other debris. Joaquin grabbed the dusty wooden box by one
hand and brought it with him to the kitchen table. He flipped open
the lockless latch and inside was a .38 six shooter. There was a giggle
from the madness of his heart as he reached for the weapon and
pointed it at his temple. He was not worthy of being the father of Matilda
and knew the fates had now come calling to avenge her blood.
He did not shut his eyes but kept them wide open, for he could not
spare himself the vision of his own death. Joaquin looked upon the
wash basin that was filled with dirty dishes and the small swarm of
flies that circled it making a halo. He pulled the trigger fiercely. The
exit wound on the left side of his head left a small cavern in his skull.
Joaquin’s eyes rolled up quickly in his head, exposing the bloodshot
whites of his eyeballs.
The power of the .38 was not enough to knock Joaquin off his chair.
His corpse sat there with his head slouched over and the gun still
locked in his palm, depressed and heartbroken from a wife he could
not satisfy and a daughter he could not save.
The blast from Joaquin’s gun had stirred the stillness of the house.
The floorboards began to moan and creek from both the front of the
house and the back bedroom where Maria Consuelo had been praying.
Her door opened and the manic housewife ran down the hall into the
main room and saw Matilda stirring from her sleep. She peered into
the kitchen and saw her husband dead from his fatal kiss with a bullet.
Maria Consuelo stood with her body and clothes stale from consecutive
days locked away from the world. She stood in shock and
remembered her words to the gods and wondered what she had done.
Now the grief she felt in her soul was her punishment for her hasty
and harsh prayers to the heavens. She yelled in agony and moved forward
to hold Joaquin’s head to her breast. Tears squeezed from her
eyelids as her mournful wailing fell on the floorboards of the house
that her husband had labored to make for her.
The tonic that Matilda had drank was to cleanse her soul and make
it whole again. This required that the child be brought to an unconscious
limbo to spare her the agony of healing. The healing powers of
the medicine woman revived the young girl without harm. All that
welcomed Matilda now was the lifeless body of her father and the wailing
of her grieving mother.
The return from limbo had left Matilda exceptionally aware of all
that surrounded her. She felt lighter in her body as if her journey had
somehow affected her physical fitness. As she saw her parents, a perverse
painting of love, her chest began to huff and puff, and anger
crawled in and took control of the child’s new found strength.
Matilda bolted out of the back door, leaving the widow a grieving
shell of tears and blood. She found a rope that had hung on a steel rod
outside the house. The rope was strong and weaved by skilled hands.
Its length was about twice that of Matilda. Her eyes blared with fury
as she tied an adjustable noose from her dad’s rope. Her steps were
heavy and little puffs of dirt rose from her feet with every step.
She entered the house with authority and nothing would challenge
her rights. She stepped behind her mother who was still in disbelief
and heartache, and roped the heart of the noose around her head.
Matilda yanked back the hand that held the other end of the rope.
Maria Consuelo pulled at her neck as she fell to the kitchen floor. Matilda
stepped firmly at the base of her mother’s neck and raised her
hand to the sky as if in victory, making the noose even tighter on her
mother’s windpipe.
Matilda ran through the back door to the back of the property as
quickly as she could, holding tightly to the rope that was attached to
Maria Consuelo’s neck. Her mother was dragged a long way to the
nearest tree. Maria Consuelo saw from the corner of her eye how Matilda
scaled the large tree quickly and hopped over a strong branch that
pulled her mother right up into the sky.
Matilda stood there holding the rope while her mother grasped at
her neck and tried to pull on the rope she hung from, attempting to
give herself some slack. The strength of Matilda was much too powerful
for her mother to overcome. Maria Consuelo could not keep her
fingers inside the rope that was around her neck. In seconds she lost
the battle with gravity and faded away.
Matilda tied the remaining length of the rope around the tree and
knotted the end of it in a workman’s knot. Maria Consuelo began to
stop writhing slowly in the air until finally the only movement her
body made was the slow swaying that was caused by her weight at the
end of a tightrope. The daughter of the slain woman stood there in the
dirt under the sun. She bent down and lifted a rock semi-embedded
in the hardened ground the size of a baseball. She pitched it back and
threw the rock at her mother’s now lifeless body.
Matilda walked a little lighter on the ground, but steadily made her
way back to the house. She walked over to her father and touched the
side of his head with the exit wound. Though Matilda had committed
a heinous crime against the heavens and knew her spirit was no longer
innocent and never would be again, she wanted to pretend that one
more time she could sit in her father’s lap and be his world.
She climbed in his lap and pulled his stiff arm over her shoulder
and leaned in his chest as she breathed in deeply.
“That didn’t really happen,” Jimmy said.
“It did. Swear,” Robert responded.
“So what, she haunts people because her mom’s a total psycho?”
Jimmy asked.
“Well, the legend goes is that now she carries children to limbo
while they sleep and...” Robert paused, afraid to say the rest.
“and?” Jimmy said.
“She doesn’t bring them back, Jimmy,” Robert said somberly.
“They call it crib death, Robert.”
“Gringos need to call it something.”
“I’m way too old to have crib death happen to me anyway,” Jimmy
said proudly.
The boys started to walk home in the late afternoon and passed
houses with BEWARE OF DOG signs and wind chimes that hung in
kitchen windows. The story stirred in both boys, and they both tried
to push off the impending nightfall. Robert and Jimmy shook hands at
their departure and agreed to see each other the next morning if Milly
didn’t decide to sweep one of them, or both of them off to limbo.
Jimmy had eaten a late supper and now changed into his house
clothes for bed. He left his window open just to prove to himself that
he wasn’t going to let Robert’s story affect him. He lay in bed on his
side facing the wall. He thought about the homework he didn’t do and
the chores he forgot to do.
He teetered between the dream world and the waking world as he
started to feel the pull of a presence behind him. He was paralyzed as
he heard the sound of breathing and felt the movement of an arm closing
in on his shoulders. He opened his eyes wide, then turned to face
the window quickly to catch the intruder. A breeze swooshed the curtains
outward as Jimmy turned around, but he couldn’t see any signs
of entry. He uncovered himself and walked over to the window. He
scanned the yard from left to right quickly with his eyes and closed it
shut. He jumped back into bed and covered his head with the heavy
comforter.
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